Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
A mathematician wanders back home at 3a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” She yells.
“You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
A man is talking to GOD.
“GOD, how long is a million years?”
God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
“GOD, how much is a million dollars?”
“To me, it’s a penny.”
“GOD, may I have a penny?”
“Wait a minute.”
And now one with everything.
What did the Buddhist say to the sandwich vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”